


Guilt

by SockWantsToDie



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Attempted Murder, Crying, Guilt, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, Men Crying, My First Work in This Fandom, No Romance, Platonic Relationships, Poetry, Protective Lucifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28813575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SockWantsToDie/pseuds/SockWantsToDie
Summary: MC pays an unknowingly depressed Belphegor a visit to ask a question that's been eating at them since the incident.
Relationships: Belphegor/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Kudos: 34





	Guilt

_"kiss me softly in a way that steals my breath from me. consume my internalized being with the strength of a million suns. make me feel like this was meant to be because we both know that it was."_

  
Exhaustion cradles him warmly in its soft embrace. His mind feels fuzzy and his ears are quietly buzzing from the surrounding silence. Normally he'd go ahead and play some sort of music to accompany him, even if only for a little while, but right now he just couldn't bring himself to move. It was concerning to say the least, and if not for him, then for those that knew him. Belphegor was never this lazy, nor was he ever this tired. Beelzebub had already come in to check on him, but after being assured that everything was fine, he'd gone back downstairs to tend to his hunger. Meanwhile, the others still had yet to bother with showing up and seeing how he was doing, which was unsurprising to say the least. They were never ones for doing such things in the first place. Especially after what he'd gone and done this time.

A knock sounded at the doorway and Belphegor just barely picked his head up at the noise. And why would he? He assumed it was just his twin again, coming to offer him some of whatever he'd gone and found in the refrigerator.

"Belphie..?" The soft, unsure voice of MC surprised him

"You have ten minutes." The Avatar of Pride rumbled "I shall await for your return from my place outside of the door. If I hear anything that I find even mildly displeasing, then this interaction will be ended."

"Oh joy, he's here too." Belphie mused

MC's soft footsteps graced his ears. They were very unlike the annoying clicking ones that Lucifer always produced when he walked. It was like he just had to be acknowledged at any given time, even if he was just doing something as simple and mundane as walking. Belphegor had barely bothered with picking his head up from his warm pillow so that he could see where MC had gone and stopped by his bed. But he did it anyway.

His eyes trailed up their body all the way up to the marks he'd left around their neck. Originally, he thought that he could get away with a crushing hug but MC had turned out to be stronger than he'd originally assumed. For a non-demon, non-magical being, they sure had some force built up within them. Belphegor supposed that it just only came out when they were in some form of danger.

  
_"i love you deeply as I always have and i'm willing to forgive your wrongly gambled out decisions—your woeful mistakes. let me shoulder the burden, let me hold you close. touch-starved has never been a word that i would describe myself with. however i can't help but need you closer."_

  
"How are you, Belphie?" MC conversed

"Fine." Belphegor answered shortly

"That's nice." MC replied "Can we talk?"

"Isn't that what we're doing?" Belphegor quipped

"Well, yeah, but," MC stumbled momentarily "But I just had a question for you."

"And that is..?" He trailed off

"Do you really hate me, Belphie? Just because I'm human?" MC questioned

Belphegor murmured something about that being a stupid question to ask. And he watched the remaining light in MC begin to die a slow and painful death as their head fell.

"'Cause.. 'cause I was thinking you can't just hate me simply because I'm human, right? You gotta just hate me because I'm part of this exchange program. Not because I was born as something you find inherently disgusting, yeah?"

Belphegor remained silent and instead forced himself upright. He allowed MC to talk, to see where exactly this was going.

"...Mammon can't look at me without crying now, Belphie." MC continued "Leviathan and Satan have been avoiding me, too. Asmodeus will still talk to me and hang around me but everytime he catches my eyes it's like he has to stop talking so he can gather himself back up. And Lucifer and Beel will still talk to me but it's like they're looking at a wall and conversing with it. Their eyes barely move and.." MC's lip quivers

MC takes a deep, shaky breath. Their eyes shifted as if they were reading the lines of a textbook, their gaze remaining the same until they could finally look at Belphegor again—Bephegor, who was doing his very best to not feel the twinge of guilt that arose inside of him. Beel would for sure feel it as well and he couldn't let his twin know that he felt as if he'd made a mistake. Even though part of him assumed that Beel already knew.

  
_"sometimes things uncontrollable go awry and that's supposed to be accepted. but what do we do when we are the things that go awry? these are one of the many questions i'll offer you to take along your ride. for it is always nice to share the chaotic thoughts that dance around my subconscious."_

  
Honestly, why did he even feel bad? He was doing a favor for everyone. Humans come and go, those of the Celestial Realm and those of the Devildom did not operate as humans did. And all this human was doing was spinning some sob story about his brothers not being able to converse with them normally. That was their own fault for trusting so easily. Maybe if they weren't so sensitive it wouldn't be such a problem.

"I'm so angry with you, Belphie. I just wanted to help you because Beel missed you so much and you just went and.. and you tried to kill me. Like it was nothing. Like I was nothing." MC's voice faltered and cracked as the dam of tears broke 

"So I just wanted to know why you would do that to me. Because I've been told over and over again that Lucifer was the one.. that I had to be careful of but all he's done is take care of me and.. the others and all this time it was you that I needed to worry about." MC continued as they wiped away the stream of tears sliding down their face "I felt myself die, Belphegor. I felt myself fading away and all I could hear was Mammon sobbing and screaming for me not to go."

"And.. And sure, Lilith bumped me back but I don't.. I'm not the same. I feel like a walking corpse that's just kinda trying to make it through life and everytime I lay down my head gets all fuzzy and I panic. And I have these nightmares and I'm so tired, Belphie." MC explains, finally breaking down into sobs "I'm so tired but I can't stay asleep for long because I feel myself falling and when I'm about to hit the ground I just jerk awake and lay there crying and crying because I'm so scared that I'm not gonna get to see tomorrow."

Belphegor tried to ignore the feeling and sound of his heart cracking in his chest. His eyes went downcast. He wasn't sure why he felt this way over a mere human, but somehow he did. He felt guilty over what he'd done to a mere human.

So now what?

"And I don't expect you to feel bad or even say sorry to me. Because you were right. Humans are foolish, idiotic, weak creatures. And trusting you was my own fault. So I'm sorry." MC says "I'm sorry that I trusted you. It was a mistake. I was worried about you and trying to do it for.. not just Beel but for everyone. Nobody deserves to be locked up in the attic is what I thought. And I think I might've been wrong."

"Anyway, I should get going. I'm sure Lucifer is gonna come in soon. And you probably don't wanna see anybody but Beel." MC finishes "So.. see ya."

Belphegor wanted to say something, anything. But he couldn't bring himself to do that. Seeing you cry was one thing, but knowing that he'd caused it made things feel that much worse. Maybe he was just tired because of how he felt about what he'd done to you. Or maybe he just needed another good nap.

  
_"and even if you don't answer me, i'll understand completely. i can't hold onto things that weren't meant for grabbing, even if that means that i can't hold onto you."_

  
Yeah, that sounds nice.


End file.
